I had a phone call the other day from my 19 year-old-self. It’s fair to say, I was surprised.
Still, after some rigorous security questions and a large Brandy, I agreed to his suggestion of an interview. I do wonder why I hadn’t thought of the idea before, but I’d need a whole new blog to address that metaphysical can of worms. Here’s the interview, instead.
Me Then: So how do I look, future me?
Me Now: You see Dad? He’s your new mirror.
MN: Well, it was always gonna be him and mum – and it’s mostly him.
MT: OK. Give me 3 pieces of advice.
MN: Won’t doing this mess up space-time or something?
MT: Technically, we’ve already messed up space-time… Tell you what – go and stand in front of a mirror – if you start to disappear, stop talking.
MN: That’s reassuring… Ok, here’s my first piece of advice – Lose the moustache! Second, she likes you. You don’t have to be such an arse to her.
MT: Who are you talking about?
MN: Like I said, stop being an arse.
MN: Good. Third, unless this phone call has completely messed things up, there’s a good chance you’re going to live beyond the age of 25 –
MT: Spare me the lecture; I know I’m going to have to pay the loans back.
MN: Right. That’s why you should get all the loans you can and keep the money in an account that pays a higher rate of return than you will pay in interest, so that when you leave Uni, you can put a deposit on a flat –
MT: As fun as that sounds, granddad, I’d rather go traveling after Uni. The last thing I need is a mortgage.
MN: Oh well, I tried… How about a few F.A. Cup betting tips?
MT: I don’t want to talk about football, after the season Arsenal has had.
MN: Don’t worry; it gets much better. And then it gets worse again.
MT: Are you still playing?
MN: Not really. And I’m more likely to use the Sport section of the paper to stuff inside wet footwear than to read, these days.
MT: Since when?
MN: Since the internet destroyed the Sports Page Experience. I’ve more time for the Family section, now.
MT: Do you have one? A family?
MT: You’re right, don’t answer that… I’d quite like to see this world of yours.
MN: When you get here, I’ll show you around. Until then, trust me on the moustache.